


Aroma of Fear

by KurooSimp01



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, No Smut, Past Character Death, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurooSimp01/pseuds/KurooSimp01
Summary: This is my first time publishing ANYTHING on AO3 and I hope you all enjoy it 😅This is also my first ever polyamorous ship fanfic.Trigger warnings for PTSD, blood, childhood trauma, past murder, vomiting and panic.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	Aroma of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is supposed to be a fanfic to spread awareness of Dissociative Identity Disorder - a disorder that develops when a child experiences severe or repetitive trauma before the age where the brain will create a personality of yourself as one person. The trauma has such a negative impact that it causes the brain to say 'I can't deal with this', thus making you dissociate, which is when your brain tears you away from itself to attenpt to protect you from the traumatic events. 8 years old is when the brain is said to form a fully functional, one-host personality, but with Dissociative Identity Disorder, the trauma creates a system of multiple different personalities.
> 
> Each 'alter' - each different personality - has their own memories and when an alter switches out, the new alter that fronts will have amnesia of the previous alter's fronting time (basically if the primary caretaker fronted, then after that, the host returned, the host would have no knowledge of memories of the primary caretaker's time while fronting). 
> 
> In tuis fanfiction, Kuroo is described as having dissociative identity disorder, but I did not make him switch to a different alter, which was the original plan. I did this because I did not want to make any mistakes that could possibly offend any readers who may have DID. 
> 
> Enjoy the fic, guys 😁😁😁

Tsukishima's average day was almost always the same routine. Wake up at nine, have breakfast, go for a walk, return home, work or clean, then chill. Pretty calming, you would think.

Not at all.

His home is occupied by three other men as well as himself - fortunately, one of them is tolerable and gets along well with him. The other two, however...

Bokuto was the child of the house. Yes, he's in his early twenties, but his mental age and personality were the mirror image of a three year old's. Nothing in order. Just pure chaos. Despite that, he was a good person to have around to lighten the mood if it was low.

Kuroo was the one with the personality of an absolute bitch. He teased, made jokes, annoyed people, yet he had his glass half full. Always thinking of the best possible outcomes for any and every situation. Yes, he loved to take the piss out of everyone he associated with, but he still cared for them just as much as anyone else. 

Akaashi was the one that Tsukishima could easily tolerate. He was calm, relatively quiet, payed attention and kept out of the way when need be. He was also caring, kind and loving, even if his lack of showing emotion sometimes made it seem otherwise.

But today was one that Tsukishima never thought he'd have to experience. Especially when his other boyfriends knew what was going on and he didn't.

\------------------------------------

Kuroo hummed a tune to himself as he chopped multiple different vegetables for a late lunch for Tsukishima and Bokuto. The distant sound of the portable bluetooth speaker that Bokuto had on outside (playing workout music for motivation for his daily twenty-minute workout session) could be heard through the slightly opened kitchen window, and the flipping of pages sounded from the living room where Tsukishima was reading a book about the history of dinosaurs (Kuroo would never be able to get over how cute it was that his Kei was still enticed by the prehistoric creatures, even if he was twenty-three). 

The afternoon was peaceful and Kuroo was happy. He looked at the prepared vegetables on the chopping board, before deciding to get some yellow peppers for Akaashi. Akaashi was the only one in the house who liked yellow peppers (they were his favourite fruit - yes, peppers are a fruit due to the seeds in the core. Basic knowledge, jeez) and would ask for them in every meal that he had. He took the pepper out of the fridge and started to slice the peppers into thin strips. 

All was well until Kuroo felt a sharp sting on the side of his hand. His entire body stopped moving for a second, then he noticed the red trickles of liquid running down the side of his hand and dripping onto the counter.

"Shit-"

Kuroo immediately dropped the chopping knife on instinct, completely ignoring the loud clatter sound it made when it hit the tiles on the floor, and went to move-

Until the smell hit him.

Metallic. Bitter. Sickening.

Crimson... darkness... screams... the splatter of blood on the walls and floor... the thud of the bodies hitting the ground, cold, lifeless and traumatizing. The gunshots... 

That was when the world disappeared. 

~

Tsukishima flipped through the last few pages of the seventy-third chapter of his book. He'd gotten to the chapter about the Coelophysis dinosaur and had known more than half of the information written down in the book anyways, so he skipped a few pages. 

He heard his boyfriend - who occupied the kitchen - suddenly curse. It was quite often that Kuroo would blurt out the odd swear, but he brushed it off. He shrugged and went to turn a page, before almost ended up ripping it out of the book as he jumped from the sound of metal hitting the kitchen floor, sending a loud clattering sound to reverberate through the house. As soon as the small yet sharp shot of adrenaline left his veins, he immediately dropped his book on the sofa and hastily walked to the kitchen to see Kuroo standing still, staring at... nothing..? His eyes trailed to the floor where the chopping knife lay still...

With a red stain on the blade.

That's when he heard it. The soft, almost inaudible dripping of liquid hitting the floor right next to Kuroo's foot. 

Blood...

Wait-

Blood?!

"Tetsuro?" Tsukishima walked over to the dark haired male, getting no response to his call.

This isn't normal...

"Tetsuro? Honey?" 

No response. No turn of his head. Not even a slight flinch.

What the fuck?!

Tsukishima looked down at Kuroo's injured hand. A cut about the size of a hair pin adorned his boyfriend's tanned skin, stretching from just below the knuckle of his index finger to the middle of the back of his hand and oozing multiple thin streams of red liquid. He lifted Kuroo's hand, only to find that it was heavy and cold. As if he was paralyzed. He looked up at Kuroo's face and noticed that his eyes had glazed over and that he hadn't blinked at all while Tsukishima had been in the room. Kuroo's face was void of emotion and had paled, his eyes stuck to the space in front of him like super glue.

Okay what the fuck is going on?!

"Tetsuro..?" Tsukishima very slowly waves his hand in front of Kuroo's face to try and get his attention, but to no avail. Not even a twitch.

I don't like this... 

Tsukishima slowly moved away from Kuroo, bending down to pick up the slightly bloodtstained chopping knife and laying it in the sink, before rushing outside to Bokuto, who was stretching his arms.

Golden eyes looked up into his own and immediately noticed that something was wrong.

"Tsukki? What's wrong? You look pale..."

Tsukishima started to tremble slightly, his hand clutching the doorframe so tightly that his knuckles were white. He didn't respond for a moment. He didn't know what to say.

"Kei? Has something happened..?" Bokuto walked up to Tsukishima and places his slightly sweaty hands on Tsukki's arms, managing to snap Tsukishima out of his frightened daze.

"I..-" Tsukki swallowed the build up of saliva in his throat so that he could speak properly, his voice cracking and rushed, causing him to stumble over his own words, "It's T-Tetsu... he's j-just stood in the kitchen and i-is completely out of it a-and I couldn't get him to respond to me?! I-It's like he's just left h-his own body a-and I'm scared and I d-don't know what to do-"

"Woah, woah, hey, Kei, calm down. You're getting panicky and making yourself hyperventilate." Bokuto said, taking Tsukki's shaking hands into his own, "Breathe for me, okay? Focus on me and follow my breathing..."

Bokuto steadily lead Tsukki through a quick and calming breathing excersise, before turning his speaker off.

"Let's go in, alright? Let me see what's happened and I'll take it from there." The owl-ish boy smiled reassuringly and let Tsukishima bring him into their kitchen, allowing him look at the situation. Tsukki leaned against the kitchen wall, feeling a little shaky and dizzy from his panic, and just watched.

Bokuto slowly went over to Kuroo and looked at the cut on his lover's hand, then sighing and gently turning Kuroo's body towards his own, looking into the glazed and unfocused eyes of the man in front of him. He took the uninjured hand of his boyfriend into his own and looked into Kuroo's almost lifeless eyes.

"Tetsuro? Love, can you hear me? If so, squeeze my hand once, okay? You're at home and safe, no one is here to harm you. You're okay."

No response.

"Alright," Bokuto turned his head to Tsukki, keeping a slight smile on his face as to not further disturb the already terrified blonde, "Tsukishima, go get the first aid kit and come into the living room with me, please - I'm bringing Tetsu in. We should patch up his injury before trying to help him out." 

The blonde nodded, leaving the kitchen to go and get the first aid kit out of their small cupboard in the hallway of their house.

Sighing quietly, Bokuto managed to carry - literally carry - Kuroo to the living room and set him down on the large sofa, kneeling in front of hin and keeping his own hands on the heavy ones of his boyfriend, ignoring the blood getting on his palms.

"Tetsuro, baby. Please respond to me if you can, okay?" Bokuto started. He'd dealt with this situation a few times before now, so he knew what to do. 

He was the only one besides Kuroo's remaining family that knows about his past and how he dissociates from the memories. Tsukishima had no idea what this was and Keiji had never even seen Kuroo like this before - him being at work would explain why.

Soon enough, Tsukki came in with the first aid kit and gave it to Bokuto, his hands still shaking. He took a seat on the other end of the sofa and messed with his ring while watching as Kuroo's injury got tended to and Bokuto's continuous atrempts to get Kuroo back with reality. Each attempt was futile for a good forty minutes. Tsukishima seriously didn't understand how Bokuto had the patience to consistently try to help Kuroo while staying calm. By now, Tsukki himself would be going insane and panicking. 

For what seemed like the hundredth time that afternoon, Bokuto called out Kuroo's name to try and get his mind out of it's spiral... 

A loud gasp for air and a huge fit of coughing, tears and heaving occured right before Tsukishima's eyes, a surge of utter relief passing through his body as Kuroo came back. Bokuto just about managed to grab the plastic bowl they'd prepared and held it under Kuroo's chin as the struggling male emptied his stomach into it, the stench making Tsukishima cringe and cover his nose as to not start to gag at it. 

Bokuto immediately rushed to sit next to Kuroo after making sure that said boy had a good grip on the bowl, putting both of his hands on each of Kuroo's shoulders and helping him through his regurgitation and speaking softly to him.

After a good minute, Kuroo had coughed up the remaining bile in his throat and breathed heavily, desperate for oxygen. Tears streamed down his face, his throat burned, and he was shaking violently. The sight was downright painful for Tsukki to watch and he felt his eyes sting with tears as he quickly went to the kitchen to get a class of cold water to give to Kuroo, as well as grabbing a large blanket from the cupboard on the living room and bringing them over to his bofriends, letting Bokuto drape the blanket over Kuroo's trembling body and helped him drink some water, Kuroo being too weak to even lift his own head. Tsukishima took the bowl out of Kuroo's hands and quickly brought it to the downstairs toilet, getting rid of it's contents into the toilet, then bringing it to the kitchen and chucking it into the sink.

He returned to the living room once again to find Kuroo's weak body in Bokuto's arms, his shoulders lifting and falling along with his deep breaths. 

Tsukishima's heart ached and he slowly moved towards Kuroo, kneeling down in front of the dark haired boy, who looked down at him apologetically.

"Hey Tetsu..." Tsukishima's voice broke as he spoke softly, wanting to cringe horribly at the shakiness of his boyfriend, "Can you hear me now?"

"K-Kei..." Kuroo spoke, his cheeks being wet with tears again, "I-I... 'm sorry..." 

Tsukki's eyes widened a little and he placed his hand over Kuroo's bandaged one, holding it comfortingly.

"Hey... you have nothing to apologise for, Tetsu. It's okay, you're safe..."

Kuroo nodded gently, letting Bokuto's warmth bring him to relaxation slowly. His body started to relax, too, his shaking slowly coming to a stop and his temperature rising to a normal rate again. Tsukishima held Kuroo's hand gently, sighing. Poor baby... I'm so sorry you have to deal with this...

"Hey, Tetsuro?" 

Kuroo turned his still rather heavy head to Tsukishima, his expression softening as their eyes met.

"Hm..?"

"...What happened..?" 

"..."

Tetsu took a deep breath and sat himself up, leaning his arms on his legs and looking at the treated hand that his lover held so gently, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"I... dissociated." He started, "The smell of... blood... causes me to have flashbacks to a traumatic experience I had to go through... the smell triggered multiple flashbacks and caused me to dissociate as a way to cope with the feeling of having to relive the past memories..."

Tsukki's face turned to an apologetic frown, his eyebrows furrowing sadly.

"So... that was why you were unresponsive?"

"Yes."

"And that's why you were staring at nothing..?"

"...Yes."

Bokuto put his hand on Kuroo's back and mumbled a question into Kuroo's ear, then nodded, grabbing some sound-cancelling headphones for said boy to put on and listen to music, as to not be triggered into another dissociative state again.

As soon as Bokuto got the affirmation of music playing, he took a breath.

"Kei... Tetsu saw his parents get murdered. A darkly clothed figure with a dark blue baseball cap had somehow gotten into the house and shot both of Tetsu's parents, before leaving Tetsu alone with the dead bodies... that's why the smell of blood causes him to dissociate - for hours on end, it was all he could smell. When police finally reached the house, Kuroo was covered in his Mother's blood from him trying to get her to wake up, and his Dad's body had been thrown to the side shortly after being shot. Ever since then, anything to do with injury that draws more blood than a paper cut can be dangerous for him to see or hear about..." 

Tsukishima's throat had closed up at the story. His eyes stung with tears and his grip on Kuroo's hand tightened a little, though not enough to hurt him.

"Oh my god..." 

"What's worse is that he was kept alone with no one but Kenma and his family for a long time... and you know how often Kenma would accidentally get hurt..." 

Tsukki nodded. He didn't know what to say.

"The best way I've found that helps Tetsu out with his dissociation state is to try and gently coax him back to reality. No sudden movements, no yelling, no trying to snap him out of it. Just slow and patient waiting alongside getting him to be able to at least look at you again. Trying to snap someone out of dissociation is extremely dangerous and can cause panic attacks, self injury or even trips to the hospital... so avoid getting snappy, jerky or panicky as much as you can. Dissociation is how multiple people with trauma cope to deal with memories and flashbacks. The brain decides to tear itself away from reality to attempt to protect the victim from feeling in danger from triggers. It's... the only thing that the victim can do to cope..." 

"Okay... well... thank you for telling me, Koutaro..." 

Bokuto smiled, "Hey, you were bound to find out eventually, so now is a better time than ever, right?"

Tsukki returned the smile, "Yes, I guess so."

Both of the boys had turned their attention to Kuroo to find him crying, but his eyes fixated on the ceiling. Bokuto sighed and spoke gently.

"Tetsu, you with us?"

Tetsu tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked at Bokuto and Tsukki, nodding.

"Yeah, just lost in thought..."

"Anything specific?"

"Just... how you guys tolerate this so easily..."

Tsukishima gets up and takes a seat next to Kuroo on the sofa, his hand still holding the latter's.

"Of course we do - what kind of boyfriends would we be if we just left you alone? Not good ones, I assure you."

Kuroo smiled, "I guess..." 

Bokuto smiled and said, "Well, the well known and loved electron-geek Kuroo is back, ey?"

"Well... I have been trying to stay-"

"Tetsuro do NOT-"

"Positive"

Tsukishima facepalmed, shakng his head as Bokuto and Kuroo gave each other the usual finger guns.

"Please remind me why I love you two-"

"Because you're a simp for two tall, hot men. Same here, shortcake."

Tsukki, Kuroo and Bokuto all looked up to see Akaashi standing in the hallway, smiling at the three. They all knew that Akaashi had specific nicknames for each of them - Tsukishima's was 'shortcake' because duh, Kuroo's was 'CuTe' ((pronounced 'cutie') copper and tellirium - chemistry jokes 100), and Bokuto's was usually 'Kou'- so it was easy to tell when he was around.

Akaashi took a mkment, before noticing that Kuroo was wrapped up in a blanket and had a bandaged hand.

"Is Tetsu okay? Did something happen?"

Kuroo - surprisingly - was the one to speak up.

"I hurt myself on accident and ended up dissociating."

Akaashi hummed and walked over, taking a seat on the other side of Kuroo, looking at said boy's hand.

"I figured you had some sort of dissociative disorder, honestly. The amount of times I've seen you completely out of it was enough to give it away.' Akaashi said, his voice calm and slightly sad, "You don't have to tell me what happened, but please just let me know if you need anything in the future, okay Tetsu?" 

Kuroo nodded, smiling a little.

"Will do, Keiji."

At that moment, a small sniffle sounded and turned their attention away from one another. Three pairs of eyes landed on Tsukishima, who's head was hung and hands gripping the sleeves of his jumper. His shoulders shook slightly, tears dripping onto the blonde's jeans.

Bokuto immediately pulled Tsukki into a hug, cuddling him.

"Hey... it's okay, Kei... why are you crying?"

Tsukishima shook his head, trying to stop his tears and failing almost instantly.

"Kei, babe, tell me what's wrong... please?" Bokuto asked again.

"It's..-" Tsukki swallowed, the build up of saliva in the back of his throat causing his voice to break a little, "It's just that... I feel so helpless... useless, even..."

Kuroo sat up a little, his eyebrows furrowed and head tilted a bit like a cat.

"Why, sweetheart?" He asked softly.

"...You... you're all managing to keep yourselves together and you're able to help Tetsu out and I... I'm in tears like a fucking toddler... I don't... know what words to use in these sorts of situations, and it's fucking ridiculous..."

Bokuto pulled Tsukki so that they were facing each other, his hands cupping the blonde's cheeks and pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Hey, just because you struggle with pressure and uncertainty doesn't mean that you're any less of a helper to us. Just you having the ability to stay here with us all - Tetsu specifically - without question is more than enough for us. Remember that we all love you equally, and I know that it's the same for you to us, so don't ever doubt yourself for how you cope with confusing issues, okay?" 

Akaashi took off his glasses and nodded in agreement.

"It's true, shortcake. Everyone copes and deals with stressful situations differently, but it doesn't make you any less important and helpful. As Kou said, the fact that you choose to stay with us all without even thinking twice is all we could ask for, and we're sincerely grateful - all three of us."

"Sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me if you can't do things that Keiji and/or Bokuto can do with ease. As long as you're not leaving, I - we - couldn't be happier. You're always helping us, even without realising it, Kei. Your determination to know how to aid with my dissociation issues shows just how much you care and how much you are willing to do for our health, and we can't express how thankful we are to have you as our boyfriend, 'kay?"

Tsukishima nodded, and Bokuto lifted the blonde's glasses to wipe away the tears that still lingered in his eyes. He then pressed a soft kiss to Tsukhi's forehead, smiling. That kiss was then followed by Akaashi, this time on the cheek. Finally, a kiss was pressed to his lips by Kuroo, his usual, cheerful grin on his face.

Akaashi looked at the time, "Ah, it's getting pretty late already, loves. I'm gonna go and get food started, then we can all binge watch some F•R•I•E•N•D•S, sound good?" He smiled down at the three taller males who nodded in affirmation, then walked into the kitchen calmly, his natural beauty radiating joy for the three tired boys snuggled up on the sofa in a giant, fluffy blanket.

A while passed, and the four boys ate their food incomfortable silence - save for Bokuto's occasional complimenting of his boyfriend 'immaculate' cooking. They, as said by the chef himself, then binged a whole thirty-three episodes of F•R•I•E•N•D•S while all cuddled up in a ball of pillows, newly added blankets and warmth.

Eleven o'clock came quickly, coaxing the almost fully asleep Tsukishima and Bokuto to allow Akaashi and Kuroo tk drag them up to their bedroom, turning the TV and lights off as they did so. By eleven fifteen, the four lovers were all lay in their warm, comfortable and soft king-size bed, legs tangled with each other and hands and arms around each other as they all softly chatted about something or another. Eventually, thel were all zonked, content in a big monster cuddle.

As Tsukishima had been the last one to doze, he thought to himself happily:

How in the world did I get so lucky? These men are my life and more... and even if we all struggle, we all stick together.

Because that's what lovers' do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope I portrayed this mental illness as best I could. If any readers read this and have DID, please do comment and let me know any mistakes/improvements I could have made.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this fic, and I'll see you soon! 😁


End file.
